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            BEACON

            • February 7Dance IV Studio to Stage
            • February 3Second Semester Begins
            • February 26Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion Committee in Library
            • February 22Jazz Festival on Arts Bridge
            • February 17Jazz on the Bridge February 22, 体彩官方app
            • (Coronavirus) has caused panic across the globe. In an effort to avoid this deadly virus, people have gone to extreme measures. Fights have broken out over the last package of toilet paper at grocery stores. towards Asian Americans have intensified due to the fact that the pandemic originated in China体彩官方app. The stock market has plunged, as consumers fear leaving their houses to buy various goods and services.

               

              However, a new, 100% effective preventative measure guaranteeing immunity has come to light.

               

              As we all know, germs can be spread through money. Touching money will increase your chances of infection. To stay on the safe side, nobody should touch money. However, a certain individual has put others’ needs above her own and risk her chance at infection to keep your money safe. Send your money to Mae Jiang! She accepts quickpay at 3125609672 and @mae-jiang. You may also mail cash to her 体彩官方app. Mae will keep your money away from you and make sure nobody else can access it besides herself. What a noble sacrifice! Let’s see what some of her clients have to say:

               

              “I gave my money to Mae and she has not given it back to me. She happily accepted it even though she was risking her chance at infection. What an amazing service,” remarked Rogelio Renteria, ‘20.

               

              “I haven’t seen my money since Mae took it. Very effective,” said Simone Hoekstra, ‘21.

               

              “I love how she accepts so many forms of payment. It really allows her to get as much money as possible,” noted Larissa Gosslau, ‘22.

               

              Mae’s venmo QR code for your convenience

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            The student news site of Whitney Young Magnet High School in Chicago, Illinois.
            Satire – Prevent Coronavirus by Sending Money to Mae Jiang